One of the greatest combinations of blessings and burdens that woman of color carry is the legacy of not being able to say "no". We are socialized to take care of our families, our friends, our communities and everyone else but ourselves. Sometimes this is a result of a desire for acceptance. Sometimes we feel that we are the only ones who can meet the needs of our family and friends. Either way, we end up feeling stressed as we try to do everything. Adding to our anxiety is the thought that while we are meeting everyone else needs, our own needs will not be met. To top it off, we are often consumed with guilt at the thought of putting our needs before someone else's. However, for the sake of sanity, sometimes that is just what we need to do.
Alleviating stress begins with learning to say 'no' and recognizing our strengths and limitations. By taking the time out to revive ourselves-- spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically we are actually doing our loved ones a favor, because once our needs are met we are equipped to attend the need of others.
When we are tired, it is hard to fulfil Jesus' instruction to let our light shine before others (see Mt. 5:16). We have to learn that sometimes "no" is the right and healthy answer. Although it will not be easy, we must learn to say it. Self-deception, pride and independence can prevent self-awareness and discernment; we need to rely on God to search our minds and our conduct(see Jer 17:9-10).
Having been programmed to say "yes" all of our lives, saying "no" will feel uncomfortable at first. However, as you practice saying it and offering alternatives to the demands on your time and resources, say "no" will become easier. Others will be taken aback at first, but you will feel better and, ultimately, serve them better. Once a woman acknowledges her dependence on God and submits to his will for her life, stress will decrease.
My Personal Comments:
First of all this article not only pertains to Women of Color it pertains to all women who have not had a silver spoon life in so many words. This article definintely pertains to me. In fact, I had three heartattacks due to stress. So i know it can kill. I have learned to say 'no' and it really does take practice and makes you feel better.
